Shy Guy Part 3

I kept it secret from the boyfriend is what I did. I was not being told who I could and couldn't have as friends. So the friendship continued. I would get calls at 3am after shy guy would fight with his girlfriend asking my advice, he would get calls where I would vent about what an Idiot my boyfriend was (and thankfully eventually got rid of), but at school or any parties it was a cordial "hey" then off to separate corners knowing we would swap stories and compare idiots on the phone later. Then it happened.... after graduation we lost touch with each other. I quickly got married and had a daughter and he went off into the bad world of alcohol and parties, but the "goodtime parties" turned into lifetime parties and unknown to me he slowly started his descent into a dark world of self destruction. How could this shy guy who was smart and caring and always there for anybody do this to himself?
Years later I get a call and its him ,he called my mom and got my number, this is the only guy my mother would have ever given it to he was her favorite. I was so happy to hear from him and talking to him on the phone was so comfortable , we picked up where we left off like it was just the day before. SO of course we decide to meet for a drink, I was so stoked my best friend had found me and we didn't have to keep it a secret we could talk during daylight hours. How grown up we had become haha! As I waited for him at my local lounge I liked to hang at I was telling all my friends there how cool this was . Then he walked in......my heart broke. He was a skeleton of the guy I knew, I could see shadows of my old friend but could hardly recognise him. He had destroyed himself, he was harder and bitter about life. He asked me why we never dated in school and I told him that then we would have been ex'es and this reunion would definitely NOT be happening. My shy guy was now a raging alcoholic and he started to scare me.
After my sadness and heartbreak of seeing (or not seeing) my best buddy , came the anger. How dare he do this and walk into my bubble of happy times from the past, and burst it. I begged him to get help, I told him I wanted my friend back , but even then I was already too late.
Then one day many many years later I get a call from his sister who I often bumped into and had created a friendship with. He was in the hospital they didn't think he would make it , she wanted to know if I would visit , I was there in a heartbeat and when I arrived he was far from incoherent. Immediately he recognised me and though he looked nothing like my friend, he talked like him and sounded like him and he started getting better (baby steps but thats all we needed at the time)!!!! He promised no more drinking, his liver was toast and if he did it would certainly kill him. A short time later his mother passed away . After a beautiful service led by a now very close friend his sister I remember going to hug him. He was skin and bones and a skeleton and all I could feel was deep agonizing remorse as I smelled the alcohol emanating from him.
I lost him that day, my friend. He was already gone now all we could do was wait for the inevitable. He was put on a liver transplant list and it was his last shot, but he couldn't and wouldn't give up the bottle. He wanted to be with his mom and he wasn't taking any shortcuts apparently. I believe he tried but I believe his addiction was bigger than us all.
My friend Chris today lays in a hospice, I just received a text that today is the day. The day he quits drinking and destroying the shell of a very special person and an extremely caring and compassionate best friend.
He can go be with his mom now and he can and will be who I remember from WAY back when. Where no girlfriend or bottle or anything else will control him.
I Love you Chris my best friend for many years and have missed you for a very long time already.
I Love you too Astrid and I'm so sorry this is and has happened.

The Shy Guy Part 2

so where were we ... oh yeah off the rode looking ridiculous in their goggles. Of course at school the next day we all pretended to not know each other because in grade 7 that's what cool is all about. Thank God because if they would have returned the safety goggles there I would have lost my cool reputation! (ok well maybe not lost it I mean I was WAY COOL)
After about a year of weekend visits by the "gang" which had grown to about 5 or 6 boys (when they doubled on their bikes) We had formed friendships, some close , some not so much. The things they would do to impress me were hilarious thinking back, but at the time I thought it was annoying. Except for "the shy guy" he never tried to act all cool, he never lied to the others and told them we'd made out (which I didn't with ANY of them) and he thought I was funny even when I wasn't. ( I know HARD to believe me not being HILARIOUS... shocking really) As time went on grade 7 rolled into 8 for me which put them in grade 9. These guys were ok , the one came over for the food , the other so he could work on me being his girlfriend (which didn't happen ESPECIALLY after his mom called me wanting to know what I was doing every weekend with a bunch of boys... well DUH woman what do you think?? Making FUN of them usually!! GAWD) and the shy one just to talk, and talk, about real subjects, not just about himself and how cool he was. He never got drunk at parties and tried to grope me (like the others) he was always watching out for me and telling them to respect me. Then it happened, my best guy friend, that's right shy guy DID get drunk. WOW! He declared his undying love for me. UGH why in the hell did he have to go and wreck such an excellent friendship?!?!?! (of course what's not to love about me, really wasn't a shock) BUT to SAY it??? So I told him to "take it back!!!" He never did, even after he sobered up. That's when the hours of calls started. It was great we could talk about everything, and be ourselves like best friends but better. He understood me at a time in life when I didn't understand shit about myself. He never judged or lectured we just talked. He never declared his undying love again but was there and would drop everything to be with  me or talk to me. The friendship was back. This friendship was one of my best memories of school. I Loved this guy but not in the school girl crush sort of way , or in the romantic way. I just knew he would never betray me and always had my back. He skipped grade 9 grad cause I felt like going to a movie and hanging out instead. Then we hit high school... Yup it was inevitable I found myself a boyfriend, he found himself a girlfriend... you know the kind, you're madly in love gonna be together FOREVER!! Doodle your name with his last name behind it kinda boyfriend, and GUESS WHAT ?? He was shy too!!! But now what? Where did that leave this friendship? Neither of our significant others "got" it, they didn't understand it and certainly didn't like it! What to do??? What to do??? Anybody who knows me... knows what I did....

The Shy Guy

So in or around grade 7 I am sitting at home minding my own business (we all know what happens when I do that!!) and at my door appears a biker gang looking for me. (ok so they were dirt bikes....but at 12 that was somewhat cool) My mother who was cooking dinner something of which contained onions answers the door wearing her construction safety goggles and proceeds to call me down stairs to the door where my fan club awaited. In they march like we were the best of  friends, the only problem was I knew none of their names??? I'd seen them around school they were all a grade older than me and as I proceeded to act cool and like I knew them, all I could think of was where in the hell was my yearbook and who and the hell were these dudes?!! Of course just as I thought I was about to escape this awkward situation my MOTHER (who was probably about 4 rum in) INVITE them to stay for dinner. SUPER DUPER. Of Course none of my trusty sidekicks were there for some god forsaken reason so I was ON MY OWN with this team. The entire time one was trying to outdo the other to get my attention and as time SLOWLY ticked on there was one sitting back not saying a word except to answer any of my moms questions with excruciatingly polite answers. We will call him the "shy guy". Now of course anybody that knows me knows I am not going to let him get away with this for long. That's when I zoomed in and focused on this "biker" that had snuck off on his dirt bike to come see me without his moms permission ( I found that out later) After I assume was a million witty and brilliant remarks and comments towards him and him turning 18 different shades of red and purple the "gang" decided it was time to go. THANK YOU GOD I thought now I can see who the hell these freaks are that are about to ride off into the sunset, except it wasn't really a sunset it was starting to pour rain. Well of course my mother could not let them leave unprotected OH NO that would not do!!!! In her garage were 3 more pair of safety goggles!! Exactly like the ones she was wearing to cut onions when she answered the door so elegantly! Yes that's right the kind with the elastic!!! How could we possibly let them ride off knowing their eyes were unprotected?? What kind of human would let THAT happen??? So after I cringed and crawled out from under the table half dead of embarrassment off they went with their very cool construction safety goggles !  "Nice boys Cindy, what were their names?" my mom asks. SIGH !!! Of course the story doesn't end there... and I think we all know why.... NICE BOYS return safety goggles!!

Title of my book...

Ok so it has been brought to my attention that I should write a book. I think its for my friends mostly so that they can feel better about themselves seeing how screwed up life can actually be and how much God or whoever it is up above ( or in my case down below) can throw at one person before they hit the brink of insanity. I think I have hit that point but have been told crazy people don't know they're crazy so wtf do I know?
What I do know is that I usually in the lead of shit yet to come for my friends, weather it be the death of a parent or a child in need of surgery, I always have to go first. SERIOUSLY C'MON ALREADY!!!! Kidding peeps, I hope you all have health happiness and luck on your sides but just wish that when I get one of the dreaded calls from you stating the death of a loved one or some other life altering news that I couldn't relate. All too often that is not the case, and all too often you know I'm not going to sugarcoat shit when you do call. It's what you have all reminded me of on numerous occasions, that I have no filter and am brutally honest. I've tried I really, really have and I'm sorry for those who I offend, know that I am not out to hurt anyone (usually) I just have a low tolerance for bullshit.
Stupid people annoy me and stupid terms even more so. " They're no longer suffering" REALLY??? REALLY??? Ok so those are the only 2 options DEATH or SUFFERING? SHUT the FUCK UP , here's your sign! or another good one... "they're in a better place" OK yeah cause being with us the people who loved them was NOT where they wanted to be?  Enough with your rehearsed terms of endearment we don't like them and we don't want to hear them anymore. ANYWAY I could rant on but alot of you probably have already heard my lecture on the subject so we'll leave it at that.
Btw when I use "we" it means me and some of my diluted friends think the same, and alot of my blogs will be quotes from conversations "we" have had, I am not taking credit for all of the witty and always right comments , just MOST of them.
Any title suggestions for my new book? Jenn thinks that when this current stage in my life has passed it should be called " How to Survive Absolutely Fucking Everything" but I'm not sure it's surviving if you are a nutcase when it's all said and done?? I suggested" How to Drive a Girl to an Early Grave" but was told THAT would never sell, it's all about the marketing.
P.S always remember stress kills and laughter heals , so lets keep laughing my friends. Life's too short to be serious all the time.