I kept it secret from the boyfriend is what I did. I was not being told who I could and couldn't have as friends. So the friendship continued. I would get calls at 3am after shy guy would fight with his girlfriend asking my advice, he would get calls where I would vent about what an Idiot my boyfriend was (and thankfully eventually got rid of), but at school or any parties it was a cordial "hey" then off to separate corners knowing we would swap stories and compare idiots on the phone later. Then it happened.... after graduation we lost touch with each other. I quickly got married and had a daughter and he went off into the bad world of alcohol and parties, but the "goodtime parties" turned into lifetime parties and unknown to me he slowly started his descent into a dark world of self destruction. How could this shy guy who was smart and caring and always there for anybody do this to himself?
Years later I get a call and its him ,he called my mom and got my number, this is the only guy my mother would have ever given it to he was her favorite. I was so happy to hear from him and talking to him on the phone was so comfortable , we picked up where we left off like it was just the day before. SO of course we decide to meet for a drink, I was so stoked my best friend had found me and we didn't have to keep it a secret we could talk during daylight hours. How grown up we had become haha! As I waited for him at my local lounge I liked to hang at I was telling all my friends there how cool this was . Then he walked in......my heart broke. He was a skeleton of the guy I knew, I could see shadows of my old friend but could hardly recognise him. He had destroyed himself, he was harder and bitter about life. He asked me why we never dated in school and I told him that then we would have been ex'es and this reunion would definitely NOT be happening. My shy guy was now a raging alcoholic and he started to scare me.
After my sadness and heartbreak of seeing (or not seeing) my best buddy , came the anger. How dare he do this and walk into my bubble of happy times from the past, and burst it. I begged him to get help, I told him I wanted my friend back , but even then I was already too late.
Then one day many many years later I get a call from his sister who I often bumped into and had created a friendship with. He was in the hospital they didn't think he would make it , she wanted to know if I would visit , I was there in a heartbeat and when I arrived he was far from incoherent. Immediately he recognised me and though he looked nothing like my friend, he talked like him and sounded like him and he started getting better (baby steps but thats all we needed at the time)!!!! He promised no more drinking, his liver was toast and if he did it would certainly kill him. A short time later his mother passed away . After a beautiful service led by a now very close friend his sister I remember going to hug him. He was skin and bones and a skeleton and all I could feel was deep agonizing remorse as I smelled the alcohol emanating from him.
I lost him that day, my friend. He was already gone now all we could do was wait for the inevitable. He was put on a liver transplant list and it was his last shot, but he couldn't and wouldn't give up the bottle. He wanted to be with his mom and he wasn't taking any shortcuts apparently. I believe he tried but I believe his addiction was bigger than us all.
My friend Chris today lays in a hospice, I just received a text that today is the day. The day he quits drinking and destroying the shell of a very special person and an extremely caring and compassionate best friend.
He can go be with his mom now and he can and will be who I remember from WAY back when. Where no girlfriend or bottle or anything else will control him.
I Love you Chris my best friend for many years and have missed you for a very long time already.
I Love you too Astrid and I'm so sorry this is and has happened.
